Yesterday morning on Instagram I saw this great portrait of the first Russian vlogger I ever explored, the gifted young linguist Roman. I have devoted several entries to him and others I discovered later.
Roman is currently in exile in Tbilisi Georgia. On the surface, sometimes, having a good time and loving Georgia.
But the note accompanying the portrait on Instagram tells another story.
How do I deal with the fact that life just feels like a series of meaningless distractions from the real state of events? I can’t even possibly express or convey how depressed the state of the world or even the future prospects of my life make me. I go from “it’s ok I guess” to “I’m gonna fucking die oh my god” every day and it never gets better. I’ve been building a certain egotistical cynicism in myself throughout the years, believing that the world is shit and I’m just going to stay on the sidelines of the craziness, make my money, pay my taxes, surround myself by like-minded people, live my little uneventful life and be okay. Well, now the world is catching up to me, and nobody can even imagine how trapped I feel. Any possible way out for me, anything anyone tries suggesting is a dead end or is just simply not possible. I feel like the tiniest ant in a jar being filled by water, unable to escape, unable to take any control of my fate. I’m not making my own decisions: the world just wipes me off in a fucking tsunami. You ever just go out to buy groceries and spend the whole walk to the store thinking “what would it take for me to end it all?” Not even on any edgy bullshit or trying to romanticize your fucked mind state to be different and cool, just genuinely thinking that is even an option. When every day your brain just keeps replaying countless alternative stories of your future life that you made up, the stories in which everything just goes as bad as it could possibly go. Man, I probably need a therapist.
Moved, I replied: “From an old man — 78 — in Australia. I am so glad your channel has kept reminding us all in these dark times of our shared humanity. This world needs people like you. Hang in there mate!”
Here are three more Russian vlogs.
In his vlog for 19th May 2022 Daniil, who creates 1420, makes a rare personal appearance in support of another Russian vlogger.
Update: Russian Roman bounces back
Today — and I mean TODAY — Roman has bounced back with an excellent and very useful post on an aspect of current Russian propaganda. It is a must watch. He is in top form — but I am sure the personal cost is still as he outlined on Instagram.
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